So you are getting married in a few months and have been running all across the town to get your bridal trousseau in place, the guest list, the flowers to be pink and not peach, and amidst all this speak to him to decide the dates for the honeymoon. Marriage is a tough job and you have to be up to it…quite literally.
What are we up about: What started off a few days ago by Tamil veteran actor Manorama has rifted ideas and ideologies of people. What may sound like an irrelevant advice from an aunt is what the Tamil Nadu chief minister has been asked to forward as a law. Manorama says that sexual potency test should be made mandatory before you take your sacred vows and considers this as a necessary social and health issue. It is important to have your man’s potency checked before marriage since one needs to be completely aware of what she is “in” for.
The warning bells: Noted Psychiatrist Dr. Ajay Pal Singh and several other marriage counselors say this is nothing more than erecting a mountain of a mole hill. Several noted social workers like Ms. Poornima Advani, with the National Commission For Women say that this kind of a test is not practically possible since there can be no mathematical formula to bring compatibility between a couple or check potency to n accurate level. In Kanpur there are a group of rural women who have approached a mahila helpline run by an NGO on legal help for divorce for not getting sexual satisfaction from their husbands. In case a man is found impotent, the marriage will be called as null and void. This does not call for a divorce since sex is an important part of marriage. Male potency is one of India’s oldest and best kept secrets since we are predominantly a patriarchal society. Poornima suggests that perhaps the government should set aside counselors to speak to young couple or young girls especially, to tell them about the sexual aspects that marriage involves. Passing any legislation to this affect can be highly and grossly misused and thus counselors should come in the picture for help. Also as Dr.Prakash Kothari, noted Sexologist says you can sometimes measure potency by a machine called NPTR(Nocturnal Penile tumescence and rigidity testing) machine , however it will just be one component out of several other aspects of male potency.
The sunny side up: We spoke to some women and tried to find out what their translation of this subject is. Ninfa Oommen a working professional welcomes this new concept saying if the purpose of the test is to check if the groom is sexually healthy ,then, it is as necessary as checking if your partner has any medical abnormalities which can affect your children in the future. However, she points out that this test should not judge if a man can impregnate his wife since this is covenant to other factors like love and intimacy. Men however have given mixed responses, some saying that this is just another one of those “publicity stunts” by people while others have welcomed this owning to the fact that this should settle scores right in the beginning. More and more people are opening up to the thought that men should be open to get certified of being able to provide conjugal response.
Potency should definitely be a topic of interpersonal talks between a couple before marriage. With sexual gratification for women no longer being a tabooed subject and with sexuality becoming an unabashed aspect of marriage, the obligatory walk in the park will soon be up to discussions of the birds and the bees.