Time to change ..into better and stronger me

Two years of motherhood for me and parenthood for us !!

As Keya turns two, i question myself, is it the same tree climbing, playing in the scorching son girl who now has a child of two years. And c'mmon we all know that a child changes your marriage, i dont know about others but it changed ours.

There are days when i dont get a chance to talk to G even for a minute because we have each had such mad days , and once home, Keya is our focus. So what happened 2 years back on us returning home was slouching on the sofa with our feet rested on each other, talking over a cup of tea.And today there are times that i have re heated the tea twice, but he is way too engrossed with Keya while i help Ma in the kitchen.

Its of course a blessing  to have my parents or his take turns and come and stay with us look after our girl , so she does not have to be in a daycare or with a maid, well not yet. But it takes a toll. I miss falling all over him on the sofa, i miss just doing nothing and being with him, i miss our weekend dinners, where we would sit and talk for hours and the wind would keep flowing.I miss seeing crystal vases on tables, or a clean clutter free house , i feel terrible about having to give away our Goldfishes, or about not giving any attention to the plants in the terrace. I have been the kinds who would wipe clean the kitchen platform till it shone, adjust the cushions on the sofa to the perfect tilt, buy flowers and place them on our bedside table every Friday night, pour into cookbooks on reaching home and cook up something special everyday.

Its all changed now.

G and I rush home to be with Keya, she is the best thing to have ever ever ever happened to us, sometimes i wonder what took us so long to go ahead and have a baby, but then when i think of all the memories G and I ahve made on our own, i think the wait for Keya was worth it. I change my clothe sin front of a 2 year old who comes and pokes at my kangaroo pouch everytime, something i wasn't too fond off . But now i realize, that kangaroo pouch, that mid riff of mine was where i created such a beautiful child. For me that pouch is just extra flab, but when i see that smile on her face when her tiny fingers poke it, its priceless, i wouldnt want to change that for anything in the world. G has always been the non expressive kinds, the ones who's eyes and gestures need to be read cuz he knows no words to express. He can program high end cars all right but a simple compliment is usually a tough job. So there are times when we are walking in a mall, me in my jeans and flats with a comfortable shirt, so it doest pinch Keya, that i feel his arms around me, and thats it . Is'nt that what love is all about , when you accept each other with a kangaroo pouch and crumpled shirt. i have always been very picky about my clothes, their colors  etc,so G tried buying me clothes but we would often go and exchange them to something of my choice. How Silly Sulagna !! dont you know when the man got a dress , of a color of his choice, you would look beautiful in it to him , and that is all that matters.Our date nights ahve reduced drastically, infact now its almost nil, so we wait till the house is quiet, Keya si asleep, my parents are sleeping in their room, that we sit down to eat. So what if we eat and watch TV, i get to sit with him, tell him how my day went, and he cribs about the kind of people who drive on the roads theses days.And thats our time, those 20 minutes of dinner and tv and talking is what we had for all those fancy date nights. And I am in my shorts and faded tee, but it doesnt matter. What he sees is a woman who is helping him create their own worls, his daughters mother, a woman who works on the family's finances, a woman who can fend for herself and the family if he needs to travel, a woman who can speak her mind and carry an interesting conversation with anyone. Thats how a woman becomes beautiful , thats what makes you special.

So yes a 2 year old daughter, a marriage of nearly half a decade, and there are some big changes happening..

I leave you with this picture , celebrating 2 years of our Pinkshine !