today was a mistake

My much needed corner,i need to create soon



the color of the mehendi and the clinging payal around the feet of a married woman.



i need to make my heart stronger



to get me through some of the puddles of life,in flying colors.



my souls indulgence



all i need are these two to live a "bad day"



Could it look so beautiful really??

On My Mind..."I'm so royally upset and this is so not a time to blog.I know for sure i will crinch evrytime i see this blog..but its a tag ,so must be done

Outside My Window...It's dark,no moonlight just a hallo reminding me that the Puja's are over and for the first time in 27 years i was celebrating Durga Puja without ma baba.

What I am Reading... the lines on my hand and if there is anything to be read in between em.

What I am Listening to... nothign except my fingers typing on the keyboard,the sound of the fan above me and waiting to listen for G's footsteps.

What I am Watching... is this supposed to be a trick question cuz i definitely cant type if i am not watching my screen and the keyboard.

I am hoping... that i get stronger after this time and stop weepinf over epole who will remain in my life without changing an iota of themselves. Just keep saying this to myself,that this si justa pahse , it will pass...24 hours and not spoken to G properly

Quotable Quote..."life's a bitch" anonymous

A Funny Thing... i was visiting the in-laws for the 4 day looonngg festivities so was in Mumbai. In the evning when we were getting ready to return to pune, i realised i had not got any of my perfumes and the one in the vial in my purse was over. G's grandmother pulled out a Davidoff and asked me to wear it"its one of my favorites" she said .She is 85 :P

In The Kitchen... I'm at my best ,completely love the sound of the pots and the pans,i guess i should have invested my time ,education and youth into a cooking course or something.

Around the House... I’m found putting old read newspapers back into the store room, opening the windows while keeping the lamp shades on (i hate white light) watering the plants and cooking the meals(all this while on the phone with Ma giving her an update on how my day ahs been so far)

Coming Up this Week... I would start working in a new organization,the offer letter is yet to arrive though we have already dined out in glory of the new job.I should get my salary after a months delay,i plan to buy myself a new laptop now and i will be going on a diet to keep some mouths shut.

I guess today was a big mistake, not a good day at all.Perhaps praying to Durga about G's good and healthy long wife while sweating in a temperature of 36degrees was the only good part of it. There are these days when you feel life has taken a completely wrong turn,it was not supposed to be this way..hey waht happend to "happily always",what happened to "everyone loves me". I indulged in life in all that it ha sto offer to me but today is one of those days where the battles take a toll on me and i wonder where are the blessings???

I tag all my fellow bloggers and readers....and thou shall obey :P

And this is some what how my day looked..

I Rant

Its been a long while that i had not scribbled my way here..inspite of having various occassions where i just wanted to write down what i went through..my laptop and the broadband connection slept peacefully..

I wish i had more time to indulge in myself.

i wish i could use some better weods to sound intelligent and well-read.

I could do with a weekly sea salt foot scrub instead of he 14 seconds daily foot scrub.

i really wish i could be a ""jumper" and just negate space and distance to get myslef out of messy situations and people.

I would have really liked to have my own Labrador, a black one which would nuzzle its snout on my bed and wake me every morning,instead of the alarms.

If being in love would be less painfull and if only i could get stronger with time instead of weeping about it.

i would want to indulge in the most sinful chocolate cake without mortifying over the calories.

If only i could get to sleep little longer on weekends without people,phone calls and the sunlight waking me up.

i could do with some original capuchino from the coffee machine instead of the water and cofee solution i drink daily.

It would be great getting flowers on my desk once every two weeks,declaring a mystery man,who loves the way i bat my eyelash(does anyone even notice that anymore??)

it would be great if i could win a year long supply of make-up from Mac,so i could dab in their colours and smells.

Could God please listen to me and make em thinner,promising me never to weigh me down with calories and worries.

i need a faster and sleeker laptop

If only getting tattoo done was not so worrying,since i cant decide what to get tattooed and where.

If only driving cars on th roads of pune was as easy as cooking Pasta.

Why cant all my cakes turn out soft and fluffy instead of the lopsided results i have.

marriage should actually be seasonal,you can get "unmarried" live a spinsters life for a month and coem back to the man you are married to.

If G could be just half as talkative as me, our sundays would go 3 times faster.

If marriage would have been a little more easierminus the responsibilities and mandatory relationship maintenance.

Why could not i own a Villa on the Malibu beaches where i culd fly in evry month for the Bronze Tan and live a week of a spinster life, with all my crazy yet numbered friends(elli,sam,ninfa,ria)

Oh shitttt...and i thought i am very happy and content with what God has blessed me with..

Dear God, i really love you a lot and know that you are reading this from some heavenly link and i am sure you will fulfill some of them.

Amen

P.S: I love you

The first time we met, i was struck by his fingers..they were dainty, they were creative, passionate,comfortable and made me wanna slip my fingers between. I read somewhere,long back ,that God left gaps between our fingers so someone comes and places his fingers in between. I knew ,thats what i wanted to happen right then.

The second time we met, he fideled with a glass of water and i had the strong urge to hold his hands. We spoke for an hour and i realized what people say when they say"i wish time would freeze"

The next time we met, he walked beside me, trying his best to keep his steps small to match with mine.And i wore flat chappals to try and match his pace. That evening i walked and kept thinking about a movie i had seen long back" a walk in the clouds"

The following "date" was a little more eventful as we sat by the sea-side talking and sharing our lives,our families,our music and more similarities. Somewhere in between i realized i now shared my life with this man.

The next we met i only remember the look on his face as my train pulled out of the Bandra station. The feeling of "being empty" is what i experienced for the first time, knowing we would be meeting after a month after he returns from an on-site project.

We read eachothers thoughts over the pone, heard the soft "i love you" in our mails, we counted days to meet again and wondered,whats this happening to me?to us? we knew the answer

The next meeting was anxiously waited for as jetlagged man came and smiled at me as i waited for him to arrive,at our usual place by the sea beach. It was the first time i heard him humming a song and wished if he would ever hum one for me.

As i sat next to him the next time we met, i shifted slowly shyly towards him, noticing a small smile on his face as he tried looking the other way and smile.

As i write this today after after almost one and a half years, i know the most beautiful feeling is to have his fingers between mine, and they promise the world to me. And as he paints, writes,cooks,drives,talks and sleeps i keep thanking God for sending him to hold my hands for a lifetime.

P.S: happy anniversary baby

Dil Haarey...

He was angry.He had made up his mind this time,enough is what he had so far and this time around he will put his foot down. He tried not looking into her face, those eyes, that sulk..it was all too familiar.he knew he would fall for it and forget all his determination.This was not the first time they had an argument, but not like everytime where he made up for the quarrel, this time he will keep looking into the book...which book was he reading..damn...The Hungry Tide by Amitav Ghosh. so much for knowing about jwaar bhatta(high and low tide) he was at his lowest now ,pretending to be at his highest..ah sweet self respect.

hhhmmmm aankho se jab bhi ho teri aankhen juda man se jab bhi ho tera man khafa

He peeped from his book to see what she was doing,she seemed busy with her cooking. They had planned on eating out but the turn of events made them land at home within 10 minutes of stepping out. She was chopping tomatoes which such vengeance, he wanted her to be careful,as she kept dicing the knife threateningly.He wanted to help her tuck away that curl behind her ear, as it came in front of her eyes.

tujhe pukare,pukare tujhay man ghabray,bhulaey tujhe,dil haarey pukare tujhe man ja re manale mujhe

She kept cocentrating on the task ahead, she dint want to cook at all.she was okay with some cookies and milk, but what would he have for dinner..uuffff cant beleive it,inspite of the fight they had she was still wondering what would he have for dinner.If only he would have been a little more enthusiastic about it, they would be savouring pasta and wine by now at "Seasons".well,even she could have been a little less agry with him..now look what happened,Friday night and we are fighting :(

sunn payare lagaley gale khoja re, tu gaa re sang re

She wondered, was it always like this from the begining?? no it wasnt.they used to walk beside eachother in complet harmony ,silently,holding hands,watching the waves and thousand of people walk by.it dint bother them,even if they were just the two of them. He was her world, nothign could ever take his place

tere bina zindagi laagey ek saza tera saath ho to, yeh saza laagey ek jazaa toh badte jaye raste saare duniya peeche,hum hai aagey

She looked at him, he looked busy, at least he was putting up a good act of being so. She went ahead and placed the bowl of maggi in front of him.

He looked up and saw a small smile.....
dil haarey.....

Music and Lyrics

i was traveling back home after work last evening and as usual took out my cell phone to tune into the radio..sometimes i thank God for such huge blessings

Radio
Handsfree
Traffic Signals
Flowers at 20Rs at the traffic signal which would cost you 150 at a Flower shoppee

Anyways coming back to my FM frequency,i switch channels the moment i hear advertisements, so was doing the same last evening and that set me off traveling 12 years back
"Tujhe laage na najariya,od le chunariya, tirchi nigahe mere dil pe giraye, re bijuria bijuria"
This was perhaps one of Sonu Nigams most popular songs back in 1998 when i used to have a major crush on "Ashutosh", the man who would free me from Chemistry, the one who would watch movies with me at the club on Fridays and the one who played this song"loudly" in the car as he drove past me,when i cyclced my way back home as a 9th std kid..oh Lord even the sound of the above sentence is making me giggle all over. To think this kind of song can be associated with your love life.

Next up i heard "yaroo dosti badi hi haeen hai yeh na ho toh kya fir boloyeh zindagi hai" in KK's whiskey-soaked voice, yes cuz thats how warm and emoted it sounds to me . you know there are some people who have everythign nice in their voice,like old scotch blended by masters over years.I kept thinking of my last day in school as an 18 year old,holding on to friends sobbing at the thought of parting.Something about the lyrics makes me dewy eyed when i listen to the song and think of ol'friends even today.

soon i heard" Its the time to Disco,kaun mile dekho kisko, its the time to disco" , and thats exactly what it reminds of, my crazy days in college as a 20 year old, who just loved being "stamped" thrice in one night for pub-hopping. this song has special memories of me and my roomies dancing and getting ready to go out clubbing on weekends, pooling in an auto paying the auto guy 10 bucks extra to take 4 of us in the same auto. Sitting at the stations"24 hour open" coffee shop with this being played loud, aswe sipped on coffee and had biryani at 4 in the morning post all the dancing,drinking embarassment and "i want to make friendship with you's"

Almost near my house ,suddenly they played "tere bin main you kaise jiya,kaise jiya tere bin" and oh damn flood gates of the past opened...now i want this to be funny so i will skip the painfull memories of some man who broke my heart and walked off, someone whose birthday is still saved on my cell phone,someone who's a part of my past and the song too..a part of all the crying into the pillow and Vodka sessiosn to loose the pain.damn these radio people maaan!!!F**%$$#

Just on my way up into the lift to the 4th flour of my house i heard "tujhme rab dikhta hai yara main kya karoo" and ou t came a big smile..maa.My maa and her insatiable craving for shahrukh khan movies.Since this movie came late in Jamshedpur she made me courier(on urgent basis) the CD of Rab Ne Banda ...the last i visited her she was humming this as she changed the water for the money plant in the kitchen.

And right now as i write this i have one song on repeat mode in my player "Dil Harrey pukaare tujhe" and you know what this song means to me if you read my post tittled "Dil Haarey"


PS: If you guys have not heard the song "Dil Haarey" i strongly recommend you to float here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5Nkg2U3wl8

pink loofah and gillete Mak 3's

i started asking you for suggestions.

you asked me if the shirt was too small.

i looked at you while you slept and smiled.

you ran your fingers through my hair and smiled.

you drove the car and i sat quitely , not distracting you

i write in my blog and you sleep in bliss next to me.

you started liking sweets after dinner.

i enjoyed breezer with red bull.

you really quit giving attention to the PS2

I have cut down my sunday noon pedicures to snuggle in the sofa and watch TV with you

i started sleeping with the curtains drawn

you finaly took on the responsibility of switching on the "good night"

you took m out to drive the car with all your patience

i keep my patience as the kitchen turns into a battle ground when you cook.

the bathroom windows are always to be kept opened, but you always forget

how the credit card people add interest ,i always forget to send you the mails

i have tried to make place for your shaving foam in the bathroom

you never complain on using a bathroom with butterflies painted and pink loofahs

Chocolate souffle was always a dessert.till you saw my new lotion

Black belts were always worn on my dresses,till you spoke about your six sigma thingy

i glow when someone refers to me as "G's wife"

you blush when people say" you guys are so made for each other"

I am in love

and you love me

"Post it" and reminders

I am sure we all have a list of "todo's" pinned on our office boards at our work stations,or some reminders on your cell phone, some yellow posy it"s on your fridge etc...i was looking at mine today

On my office soft board this is what i see

1.6 bottles of Kingfisher
2.1 quarter signature
3.2Breezers,jamaican and cranberry
4.1 large soda
5.1 large Thums Up
6.2 pacs of frozen chicken nuggets
7.2 kilo biryani(indian delicacy will have atleast 300 answers to a google search)

as i fidget with my cell phone i see the following

1.Thursday and Sunday nights 10PM a reminder saying "travel n living chew"( there are these two culinary shows that come on travel n living to which i am addicted the one on Thursdays is Chinese Cooking and on saturday is all about baking)
2.take medicine from 11th december,follic acid
3.birthday reminders.
4.ask nisha to return my earings on 18thspt
5.citybank crdit card payments
6.PF money to be given in November



I try to remember whats on my fridge and here is a glimpse

yellow post it says"no milk on 7th 8th 9th and 10th sept"

pink post it says"i litre oil opened on 3oth august

green post it says" Return Monica's melamine tiffin"

red post it says" dont touch butter on your bread'

i dont know how to sum up this post..there is nothing in particular i feel baout all this, i am happy that i stay busy just no time for myself,i am sad that my life has more denomiantions to divide time into, like oil and milk, i am excited about my diet regime and the red post it saying i need to loose weight..

but now that i am blogging about all this, i think i am getting a kick out of it cuz there are definitely more people out there who do the same..live a life of "post it's' and "reminders"

Wednesday Morning and G's culinary skills

And its 7:30 Wednesday morning, i am checking my mails for the Nth time to see if the important mail has come but as you all know, it has not...

Anyway the upside of life.....G is making us an omlette for breakfast and as i hear him going "wooooow" in the kitchen its because he has managed to make a super fluffy omlette by a trick i taught him on Sunday. He placed a lid on top of the pan ,with the burner on low heat and so the omlette looks like a pizza..only tastier since he claims"woooow maaan this looks awesome"

see the ups and downs in my life!!!

P.S: Try it the next time you crack an egg on the pan...the fluffy one will make you :)

life and "To Do's"

hi, i wanted to write something in my blog but you know...i dint have much of my imagination helping me..been home all day yesterday so dint have nay interesting conversations which i could write about, didnt go shopping either so i could crib about my bankruptcy and all i did was stay at home and cook..just one of the days when i like staying back home,cooking up a nice meal for G at night,catching up on what are the "to do's" in the house..i finished a lot of work yesterday
1.cleaned the library
2.made chicken lasagna
3.clean the fridge off all the old post it's
4.made a new entry in my verandah garden of yellow flowers..Elli(The crazy Chinky faltmake from college days) had come over for lunch and got me these yellow and white beauties..pics shall be up when they are in full bloom
5.cleaned the wash basins and chipped my nailpolish
6.did some good home made feet treatment in warm water
7.slept till 10 and took a bath in cold water cus the heating system was defunct.
8.and finally i set up our bedside table again with some chic mat,feng shui love ducks,a photograph of G and me,some ornate candles and a bunch of red roses.

here is the sneak peek...

missing the wild side

i hate alarms..be it in life ,in the lift or early morning cell phones..i absolutely hate the sound of it going off at 7 to announce"hey there one more day at the F**** office for you" but when i turn around to wake up G,its all worth it. Seeing the man sleep so peacefully is probably the best way to begin my days..needless to say what follows is asking the maid to use less oil,water the plants,even though G is scandalised seeing me water plants in the balcony wearing a green towel,i continue running around the house packing lunchboxes, closing windows,kissing goodbyes and then some time for myself..a 5 minute bath and 10 minutes of lone quality "dressing table" time...that's where i noticed the change.

Dressing up for me meant silver sequined mini skirts with a purple top and silver peep toes...but now it all vanished..i sit here blogging about the old"me" wearing a grey suit with black pumps,the pointed and shiny one, a black top and my hair done up high with pins in a clean chignon..

i guess i complete the look of the well dressed "ex.com prof" but i miss my sequined skirts and purple blotch tops.i miss not combing my hair and walking off to college, i miss wearing shorts and moving around in chappals (slippers)with yellow and blue nail paints, i miss eating muffins with coffee(i am trying to avoid carbs and coffee) i miss being able to ask money from dad to buy tickets,i miss all that and so uch more..my bunch of friends for night-outs and my old chindi pyjamas...

p.s: chocolate muffins and coffee goes great !!! especially if you have them in purple cups and plates...trust me ,thats my secret to"feel good"

Dhaak,aaroti, luchee aar cholar daal!!!

its just the 6th of september but i have a mixed feeling going on..i a happy the pujo is around the corner but i am sad too..i have this very comforting habit of saying"uummm what was i doing last year or month or week this time this day" and thats why i am sad..i was super excited for the pujo..my first pujo last year was also my first with vermillion on my forehead,some red and white shakha pola(traditional bengali bangles made of red and white coral to denote the marital status of a woman)i was very busy packing mine and G's bags deciding what would be worn on which day and during the morning or evening,picking up tiny gifts for the kids and family,remembering to pack the photo albums,the t-shirt for baba and the shiny sequined clutch for ma.

Ever since the time i remember we have been going to our ancestral Pujo badi in Dhanbad,where every one of us,gathers from all across the country and beyond, bonded by the divine strength of Durga. this is one time in the year that all the members of my paternal family get together to live 5 days of celebration ,food,conversations,paan(beetle leaf) and Pushpanjoli(offering prayers to the Godess) in our old baadi..though we visit it just once a year i always refer to this house as badi(home) since thats how it has been over the last several years of the celebration.

the sound of the dhaak and conch shells open your eyes as you welcome the Goddess to stay amid us for the next 5 days..tradition has it that offering the early morning prayers empty stomach always fulfills them but the smell of the luchi and cholar daal,seved by the cook who has been a part of this legacy for the last 29 years, and some extra serving of bundiya.the day continues as there is a lot of catching up to do it with the cousin from Yale, the newly wedded bowdi, the niece living in Karolbagh , the jethu from New Jersey and the star attraction of this year, my new bowdi,born a chinese,raised in US married to a Bengali. what follows this is another gourmet meal which can never be dished up by the swankiest places. A leaf plate made of the local tendu tree,has some dazzling white steamed rice, crispy aaloo bhaja and daal.As the conversations continue across tables, none of us being too keen on table manners here, we continue having Ilish maach and some sinful mishti doi..

Evening are times for dressing up, where usually one girl gets her hair pleated while she is applying eye line for another.The elderly women get dressed and seated in the same old blue and silver pondall we have in our house with the men folk discussing politics and cricket...with a bengali around you will never run short of that!!! while the younger generation continues with their "wassup" and the aaroti naach i always amaze myself how among all the "wassups" and " dudes" amid the e-mails and orkut, amid the mid-life crisis and long-term investment plans, between the low-cost airfares and the everyday life,my family still has this legacy going..a story that runs in my mind everytime i hear the wordu, the legacy that has made me what i am today prod of ,my roots, the Goddess that gets 150 members of the same family under one roof, the sound of the mantra that makes me join my hands and bow,the beauty of how so many people have been coming together for 160 years, the joy of spending nights talking with everyone,the smell of the evening chaa and shinghara,the cants of "Aasche bochor abar hobe",the immersion of the Goddess thanking her for this year and asking her blessings for the one to come.

This is for all my cousins babun jeet titli deep shona ma and the whole gang..i am going to miss you guys so much this year !!

This is the actual durga bhashan video of last years,flicked it from my sisters orkut account ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOGj83zohik&eurl=http://www.orkut.co.in/FavoriteVideoView%3Fuid%3D8766540665496793085%26ad%3D1232371098&feature=player_embedded#t=16

will the real bad boss please stand down!!!

i dont know how manyof you lucky people will not agree with my post here but i am so totally done with bosses..here are some of my top-most reasons

1.they dont know to wish you on your birthdays

2.they earn shit loads while you are left with peanuts

3.they do not know the concept of replying to a msg which says"sorry i am unable to come to work today since i have a migraine"

4.they get to become your boss when they don't know the meaning of "chasm" and cant pronounce "rendezvous"

5.they remember you only during month ends, when their over polished ass's are on fire

6.they drive out out of office in a merc while you whistle an auto to a halt

7.they send you mails at 10:30 in the night from thier blackberry and expect an immidate reply.

8.they pretend never to know the concept of "reimbursements"

9.what is an hour lo g lunch?huh??one hour for lunch??hideous they say!!

10.they cant finish a mail without using" half-baked efforts" "fake excuses" "pipelines" and finally he one line that makes me wanna go"beep beep beep" is" HAPPY SELLING"

I hope some tale tattling charli in my office is reading this with eyes wide open and thinking of earning a brownie point by e-mailing this link...maza aaeyaga(that will be fun)